I want your love and I want your revenge
by Phantasmagor1a
Summary: Bill Kaulitz and Adam lambert meet on tour, and realize they want one another, a lot.
1. Chapter 1

"Adam?"

"Yeah?" The taller, raven-haired man turned to look at his manager. They were in Germany now, Berlin, for their only show in Germany. The success of his American tour had prompted the management to organize a European one, this was big, bigger than anything Adam had ever imagined. He never thought For your Entertainment would be that well received but it was, and he was grateful

Adam loved this place, everything about it. Drake and him always talked about coming here together but they'd broke up before that ever happened. The rock-star lifestyle, as he put it, and the fact that they spent less and less time with each other since Adam's rise to fame was too much for the Louisiana home boy and it was a mutual decision that it just wouldn't work out between them.

"Muse can't make it for the show tomorrow. We don't have an opening act." His heart sank.

"Damn. What happened to them? We can't go without an opening act."

"Food poisoning, it's really bad. I know. I contacted one of my friends here. He manages some band, Something-Hotel. They're pretty underground in the US but he says they're huge in Europe. They'll be filling in for Muse."

"Underground band? Are they any good? I mean with the fans expecting...."

"They're sort of good. I listened to a couple of songs, they could pass off for mainstream stuff. And if they're huge here..."

"I guess so. Thanks, Joe," Adam smiled at the older, balding manager. He looked tired, but that was the way he always was. He also managed to look professional even at 1 am at night, and businesslike with the earpiece and all. Adam had known him since his he was the understudy for Fiyero and they were pretty close.

"Anytime, Adam," Joe said, exiting the hotel room. Adam sank onto his bed after changing into one of the fluffy white bathrobes the hotel provided. Great, some, unknown band was going to be opening his show. He was starting to get a horrible feeling for the show. He didn't even feel like doing a show tomorrow. He just wanted to get out and explore the city. The skyline across the window was epic. He reached for the remote and switched on the hotel television, flicking between channels. Everything was in German.

"Screw this," he thought, for not picking up German in High School when he had the chance. He leaned his head back on the bed headboard and blinked. He blinked again and turned his attention back to the TV, some entertainment news show. At least it was in English.

"This just in. Tokio Hotel will be opening for Adam Lambert for his show tomorrow at the Berlin Verizon Arena. Adam Lambert, who was runner-up on Season 8 of American Idol has been touring all summer, with his "Kiss and Tell" tour and is currently the biggest hit in American music. Will this, some say, teenie-band match up to the glamorous superstar?" But Adam wasn't listening to the overly made-up reporter anymore.

He stared at the picture on the screen that had come up beside her. A picture of the band, Tokio Hotel. A man with long brown dreadlocks, and another, more feminine one, beside him, with long dark hair and kohl-lined eyes. They had the same face, and there was something about the two of them that made it look like they're weren't just bandmates. The dark haired man was, one of the most beautiful people Adam had ever seen.

"Lead singer...Bill Kaulitz..." His name was Bill.

"Bill..." He said the name to himself. If this was Tokio Hotel...

Adam picked up the phone beside his bed and began to dial for Joe.

"Joe?"

"Yeah?"

"I was just thinking. Tokio Hotel filling in tomorrow, it's a great idea," Adam half-breathed into the phone.

"I'm glad you think that, Adam. See you in the morning. Try to get some rest and not think through the night," he laughed and hung up. He stared at the television, the phone still to his ear.

"Bill Kaulitz..."


	2. Chapter 2

"One hour to sound check. Dude you look like crap," Kelly waltzed in through the door into Adam's dressing room. Adam scowled.

"You're no Miss Teen America either."

"Nothing a bit of makeup can't fix." She put her expertise in use, swept concealer under his eyes and lined them with thick eyeliner. A bit of mascara on his lashes and he was done. Except...

"I think my roots are showing." Adam ran his fingers through his fringe. He hadn't dyed his hair in 6 months. Fuck being a natural blonde.

"Yeah, they are. Wait here, i'll get the spray dye." Adam watched his makeup artist leave the room and sighed. It wasn't as if he was planning to go anywhere. He closed his eyes and tried to doze off for a while. He hadn't slept at all last night. That face kept invading his thoughts. He had to shake it off. He had to be professional.

There was a knock on the door, but Adam didn't budge. Kelly would just barge in. He heard another, louder knock and sighed again, getting up to tell off whoever didn't know the door was already open. He yanked it open.

"It's not locked you-" he stopped, face to face with Bill Kaulitz.

"Are you, Adam?" his thick German accent shocked the sleepy singer. The black hair wasn't standing up in all directions like on TV and was instead held in place by a beanie, and whatever escaped hung flat around his features. There was no mistaking the face. Angular, pale, the eyes were sharp, but tired. He was very pretty for a guy.

Bill was taller than Adam expected, even though his slight frame made him look smaller, fragile. Adam was sure, if he stood up from that chair, Bill would dwarf him by at least two inches. But still, he was, there was no other word for it, gorgeous.

"I am."

"I thought so. Am I disturbing? But Kelly said to come here for makeup."

"No, no, you can stay. I mean, please stay. Yeah she's doing mine now though." Adam's face flushed red, he hoped Bill hadn't noticed and moved to make way for him to come moved into the room to sit down on one of the boxes against the wall.

"Roots," he pointed out. It was funny, him saying that one word with such fascination, and that wasn't counting the accent. Adam laughed, the first genuine laugh he had laughed for a long time.

"Kelly was just about to dye them for me." Both their laughter slowly faded and Adam was able to look at Bill's eyes properly. The were a deep brown, like chocolate. He looked at Bill's lips, he didn't have a lip ring. He caught himself staring again when Bill turned away. He was so beautiful.

"You're-". His words were cut short when the door opened and Kelly came in with the black dye. She couldn't have picked a worse time then now to come in.

"Bill?"

"Hello, Kelly."

"I was just about to finish Adam off. Do you want to wait, so I can do you too?"

"Nein, it's okay. Tom is waiting in the lobby. He'll get mad if I don't come down soon."

"Oh that's okay. Come up in ten."

"I will. Goodbye, Adam." He smiled again, and opened the door. Adam watched him disappear and felt a quiet word escape his lips.

"Bye..."


	3. Chapter 3

"Weil uns einfach nichts mehr halten kann," Bill closed his eyes to feel the song, like the vocal coach told him he should. He could feel Tom's guitar strings moving, Georg's bass, and Gustav's drumbeats. He's heard it a million times before, since he was thirteen. The song was over even before it even really started, he opened his eyes again. Adam was standing at the side of the stage, leaning on the curtains and smiling. He had done his hair, there were white streaks in it now.

Bill didn't know what he was thinking. He felt a sudden pressing urge to sprint to where Adam stood, grab him by the collar, and kiss him. He shook himself and focused on the mic stand instead, gripping it harder than he needed to. The stage manager came forward to tell them some last minute details, and ended the soundcheck, telling them to be back for the show at 6 later. Bill wasn't even listening.

He felt something cold run down the side of his face. Sweat? It wasn't even that hot. He glanced over at Adam and felt his heart skip a beat again. Soundcheck was over wasn't it? He went to the stairs and got off the stage faster than he meant to. He had to put himself as far away from Adam as possible.

The young German singer crossed a few hallways, he didn't know where he was going, and half-fell into a chair at the end of one. He wasn't sweating anymore, but his heart was beating like a sledgehammer. He couldn't think straight. At the stage, his twin brother stared after him, still holding his Gibson Les Paul. He looked at Adam at the side of the stage. Bill always insisted he wasn't gay, but he knew there was nothing remotely straight about his brother.

Bill put his head in his hands, trying his best not to scream. It was happening to him again, the last thing he wanted. He never wanted to feel like this ever again. He didn't want to be hurt, he just wanted to make music. The fact that he was in love with someone, Adam Lambert, was the last thing he would have thought would happen.


	4. Chapter 4

Somehow, they went through the show. Tokio Hotel did their opening set, and then Adam came out with his. The fans cheered for both of them. But this one time, Adam couldn't hear any one of them. There was a nagging worry at the back of his mind. His moves were awkward, his singing soulless. All he cared about was the look Bill had given him before half running off the stage during soundcheck.

He was good at reading people, but not Bill. Something was bothering the perfect creature, and he didn't know what. Part of him hoped, begged perhaps for a hint that Bill felt the same way about him as he did. Had he already messed up the one shot he had with this guy? He hadn't felt the way he did about Bill as he did with Brad, or Drake, or any guy he'd ever been with.

Tuning Bill out wasn't an option. That would only make him think of him more. The 5 minute interval when the sets changed served as nothing, Bill was gone before Adam was ready, and Adam wasn't sure if Tokio Hotel had already left the arena. He ignored the cheers of "Encore" from the fans, he would make it up to them, they would have another chance but he only had one, and went looking for Bill after the last song of his set.

Adam found him sitting on the curb behind Tokio Hotel's tour bus. His unfinished dinner was on his lap and he was wearing nothing but a shirt and jeans even though the cold was brutal. Adam shrugged off his leather jacket and approached Bill cautiously, not wanting to scare him, hardly making a noise before wrapping him in it. Bill felt the gentle hands and the sudden warmth and turned around.

He guessed who it was before he saw. Adam's face was pale in the night, the only light source was the moon.

"There's something bothering you, isn't there," he said. Bill remained silent for a while. He was so still, he could have been dead. But he wasn't and he answered, eventually.

"I feel like I've known you my whole life, Adam." He turned up and stared at Adam eyes. He could see everything about this man through the blue irises. He could see, Adam. The Adam everybody knew existed but nobody really saw. He couldn't help it. He had only just met this man and he hated to admit it, but he was in love with him.

"So do I, Bill." Adam leaned forward to catch his lips in a passionate kiss. Bill returned it willingly. It was starting to rain, but he didn't seem to care and so Adam didn't either. He deepened the kiss and slipped his hands under the jacket, feeling Bill's angular body. The other guy's hands were woven into Adam's short, spiky hair. Adam spoke through the kiss.

"I love you, Bill."

The rain came down in full force, drenching both of them. Adam saw fit to take Bill by the waist and lead him into his tour bus before either of the vocalists could get sick. Adam's bunk was small, but cosy and they spent the night huddled up with each other, until Bill fell asleep on his chest. He watched Bill sleep. His slow, gentle breathing was calming to the runner-up American Idol, and before he knew it, he was passed out himself.


	5. Chapter 5

It was the first time in a long while since Adam hadn't woken up in the middle of the night with dreams of cameras flashing in his face, half-covered faces snapping pictures of him without knowing but not this night, the first night Bill and him spent with one another. It was perfect.

Adam opened his eyes and closed them, blinded by the morning sun. The air was still chilly from last night and he could still hear raindrops hitting the top of the tour bus. He wanted to go back to sleep, he didn't want the night to end, but he felt Bill stirring. The younger man pushed himself slowly up and off Adam's chest so he could look at Adam properly. Yes it was Adam. It was Adam Lambert.

"Morning, love." Adam slid himself up so he could lean his back on the wall of his bunk and kissed his lover on the lips. He was about to pull away when Bill leaned in even closer, and smiled into the kiss.

"Not yet, I want to continue from last night .

"I thought you-". Bill put his lips around Adam's to stop him from talking. Adam tensed, and relaxed, wasting no time in letting his freckled arms snake around Bill's waist. He was gentle at first, helping him climb up Adam's torso so he was an inch or two above Adam, both legs on either side of him.

He caressed Bill s warm body slowly, feeling his curves underneath his shirt, careful not to break the kiss. Bill's lips moved apart, his tongue begging for entrance. Their mouths locked and re-locked, never completely leaving one another before Bill eventually slid his tongue into Adam's pleading mouth.

He could feel Bill's tongue ring brush gently against his lower lip as he explored his mouth, sliding over his teeth before meeting Adam's own tongue. The feeling of cold metal against his teeth was not something Adam was used to, but it was not unpleasant either. He lifted Bill's shirt up slightly and traced the line of his hip to his belt buckle, paying extra attention to the marks the tattoo left on his soft skin before reaching to undo his jeans.

Bill felt Adam fumbling with his belt and leaned back, pausing to do it by himself. Adam threw it to the floor, along with both their shirts. The jewelry Adam still had on from the show was cold from the air, and was like ice on both their skin. No one had bothered to turn on the heater. Bill reached back and took them off, letting it fall on Adam's lap while he buried his hands in Adam's hair and pulled him as close as they could possibly get.

Adam nudged Bill over so he could be on top, and reached for his belt from the floor. He knew how to work it now, and strapped Bill's wrists behind his back to subdue him so he could have the young frontman all to himself. Adam shifted his lips downwards to cover Bill s neck with hickeys, stopping only once to listen to the restrained singer moaning softly, and moved his finger down Bill's chest and stomach, tracing the line he made with his mouth. He followed the wet trail back up again to stare at his lover s eyes, now dark pools of chocolate and whispered into his ear,

"I really want you, Bill."

He shivered as Adam s warm breath touched his skin and replied in short gasps.

So do I, Adam, 


	6. Chapter 6

Bill turned on the shower and felt hot water run his hair, just like Adam's hands had done earlier, down his body and hit the floor. He looked up, He could have fallen asleep just standing there in the shower but he forced himself to turn the tap off and find a white fluffy towel on the rack. He might take another one wrapped it around his waist and stepped out of the shower.

Bill stared at himself in the mirror, at the marks Adam had left on him earlier, and remembered every kiss that had caused those marks, before getting dressed and leaving the bathroom. He switched the lights to his suite on.

"Hi, Bill." It was Bushido, lead rapper of Samy Deluxe, in his hotel room.

"What are you doing here?"

"You forgot to lock the door. Haven't I told you, always keep this pretty face safe, for me," Bushido moved closer to Bill and pinned him to the wall sharply, "Only, for me".

"I told you I never wanted to see you, Bushido."

"Is that what you really wanted?"

"Yes." Bushido let go of Bill and moved away, turning his back to him.

"Get out of my room. I don't want you here." Bushido froze for a moment, shoulder's hunched, facing the other way.

"Is that what you really want?" Bill breathed in.

"Yes Bushido, that is what I want." Bill moved towards the door and reached for he doorknob but found his hand roughly pushed aside as Bushido forced him against the wall again.

"You know what I don't want? For anyone else to have something I don't." He threw Bill on the floor and grabbed a fistful of his hair forcing his head up.

"I told you, Bill, I love you. I never knew what it was about you, why you never took me," he released Bill. The rapper was crying now, "You don't know how much it hurt me to hear you say you couldn't find love." He released Bill, and knelt beside him, the tracks of his tears on his face running through his shirt.

"I never wanted to hurt you."

"But you couldn't find love in me when I put it right in front of you? Is that you're excuse, you fucking slut? Is that the best you can come up with?" he spat at Bill, but didn't do anything else. There was a moment of silence, the loudest Bill had ever been through.

"Hurt me back, Bushido."

"What?"

"I want you to hurt me back, worse than I ever hurt you. Just don't come find me again."

"No."

"Hurt me, or I will hurt myself worse. Do it, now." He was scared, scared of what Bushido could do.

"Now. Do it now, Bushido."

Bushido closed his eyes and stood up. He aimed the first kick in the middle of Bill's chest. Bill whimpered, but he didn't dare scream. Bushido pulled him into the next room by his hair, and threw him on the carpet, twisting his arm behind him. Bill cried out softly. Bushido grabbed Bill's head, and slammed his face into the carpet until his nose started bleeding.

Bill heard the clinking of a belt bucket and felt the first strike of the leather on his side. He cried out again, louder this time. He felt something forcefully pushed into his mouth and he cried out against it. The abuse went on all night. All Bill could endure he did. He thought of Adam, he thought of the both of them until 3 in the morning and Bushido left, a broken, bleeding, wasted Bill behind with nothing but a kiss. He wanted the pain to end, he wanted Adam. At 4 in the morning Bill screamed.

"Adam...".

And somehow, a hundred meters away, Adam heard him.

-

Intuition told him he had to go find Bill, that Bill needed him. Adam grabbed his jacket and fled out of his own suite. He found Bill's door unlocked. The sheets on the bed were ripped and scattered, a broken vase was lying two inches from where Bill himself was lying, barely breathing.

"Bill." He ran to his lover and took his face in his hands, gently pulling him onto his lap, "Bill...Bill say something. Please."

But Bill didn't say anything. His body was limp, and cold.

"No, wake up Bill. I need you. Please, breathe." Adam shook Bill. He twitched, and coughed, spitting blood out on Adam's shirt. He pulled himself closer to Adam's warmth, aching for comfort.

"Adam, it hurts..." His voice was faint, a tiny whisper, like it took him all the effort in the world to say those three words. Adam jumped at his voice and stared at the small sliver of Bill's eyes that were open. He wanted to take away Bill's pain. A tear moved down Bill's pale face, and lost itself in the midst of his wet, mangled black hair.

"I'm here, Bill, and I won't let anything happen to you." Adam kissed Bill's forehead and hugged him to his chest. He wretched the phone off the table and dialed the emergency number.

"Please, come here fast."


	7. Chapter 7

"What are the qualities that you find most attractive in a guy?" A face formed in his head, Bill, his long black hair, his brown eyes. The face morphed slowly, and a streak of blood ran down the side of Bill's face. It was pleading.

"Adam, it hurts..."

"Mr Lambert?"

"What? Oh, yeah I think my new album will come out sometime after the tour ends. We're working on some tunes now and its-"

"Mr Lambert, that wasn't the question." He looked at the young lady in front of him with the microphone. The sickening sensation of embarrassment slowly creeped through him and he felt nauseous. He stammered.

"It, wasn't?"

"Cut, we're done with this interview." Joe stepped forward and grabbed Adam's shoulder, shaking, him out of his obliviousness. The interviewer protested. but Joe shook her off, ready to pull Adam away.

"It's my first day on the job, please, just one more question."

"No, this man isn't ready for one more anything." Adam stood still, refusing to budge. Joe turned and glared at him.

"Adam, come on."

"No, Joe. It's her first day." Joe stopped for a while, and then relented. He stepped towards the young lady and put on a fatherly accent.

"What's your name, dear?"

"Janice."

"Well Janice, look, Adam here isn't in the right mood today. We're going to do the interview a bit later but I promise we'll get it done. I'll call Buzznet up and tell them what happened. Is that okay?"

"I guess so."

"Thank you, dear. Now, if you'll excuse us." Joe grabbed Adam by the elbow and pulled him out of the room, closing the door behind them as they reached the corridor. He looked around and pulled Adam into the fire escape. It was windy, but that's all Adam knew. Everything else was like a blur to him.

Joe was about seven inches shorter than Adam, but his voice could intimidate even the bravest of people. Such was the authority of the manager, in his forties. But he spoke with a gentle, calming voice that immediately took Adam in.

"Look, Adam. You haven't told us, but we know what's going on with you and Bill. I just wanted you to know, we all love Bill and we love that you two are a pair now. In fact we think its the best decision you've made since breaking up with Drake. But you've been distracted all morning and I can't help but to think something's up." He looked at Adam's eyes. They were wet.

"What is it? Adam, you can tell me."

"No, it's, it's nothing. Can we go back to the hotel?"

"Adam. I've known you since Wicked. I know "Nothing" doesn't make you cry." There was a slight pause. The wind blew past them.

"He's hurt."

"What?"

Adam couldn't take it any more. He wanted to scream, to cry out the way Bill must have cried out when he was being tortured in that room. He couldn't stand being here when miles away, his true love was hurting in a bed.

"HE'S FUCKING HURT. HE'S FUCKING HURT AND I COULDN'T SAVE HIM. I WASN'T THERE FOR HIM AND NOW...," his voice faltered, "and now, he's dying and I don't know if..., if he's okay, and...". Adam grabbed onto the railing for support.

Joe looked at the floor for a while before gently putting a hand on Adam's back, wanting to console him but not knowing if it was okay. Adam wept silently, still clutching the railing.

"We'll go back to the hotel, Adam and when we get there, I'm bringing you up to his room."


	8. Chapter 8

"Bill, you have to eat something," Tom scooped up some of the oatmeal room-service had brought up, blew on it to make sure it wasn't too hot, and brought the spoon to his brother's mouth. Bill turned away, trying to ignore the pain in his ribs.

"I'm not hungry, Tom." The doctor snapped his bag shut and looked at Bill again.

"Try to eat something even if you're not hungry, and try not to get too excited," the balding old doctor turned to Tom, "make sure he doesn't get too excited." Bill looked at his twin brother, who lifted the spoon up again encouragingly. He rolled his eyes and rolled over again to stare at the wall. The old doctor picked his walking stick up from the bedside table and slowly left the room, closing the door behind him.

Tom stared at his twin for a while, before deciding he wasn't going to do much just sitting there. He put the bowl back on its tray and covered it up, sighing.

"You know what, Bill, you eat it when you decide to stop being a 5 year old." He left the room. Bill turned over, the door wasn't shut. He stared at it for a while and then turned back again, maybe one of the hotel employees would shut it for him. He stretched out his hand as much as he could without it hurting, and reached for his blackberry, a message from Adam.

"Baby, I'm on my way there." Bill smiled, and put it back on the table. He closed his eyes, trying to doze off when he heard the door shut. He secretly thanked towards whoever shut it and focused on trying to sleep, when he felt a pair of all too familiar arms gently surround his waist. He opened his eyes and looked down, there was no mistaking those freckles. He felt Adam leaning over him with enough pressure just so he could feel him but not enough to cause him any more pain.

"How are you feeling?" Bill shifted so they faced one another and hugged Adam as tight as he could, breathing his all too familiar scent as Adam's presence made everything okay again. He let go and took up one of Adam's rough hands, interlocking their fingers and losing himself in Adam's silver eyes. Adam stared back at him, let his thumb stroke the back of Bill's hands slowly. He kissed Bill's forehead.

"I'll be fine, Adam." The loving expression he had on turned more serious. He had something on his mind.

"Bill, who did this to you?" Bill stared at their hands laced together and answered slowly.

"I told him to do it." Adam stopped his caresses and looked at him questioningly, praying he heard the wrong thing.

"I'm sorry Adam, I had to." Adam looked away, and drew back slightly, removing his hand.

"Bill, is there something you need to tell me? Something I have to know?" He watched as the younger man struggled to find the right words. He didn't want to hurt Adam, but he thought it was too early in the relationship to be talking about past lovers, or past lovers that never were. He shifted in the bed so he was on his back, slightly propped up on one elbow.

"Yes. Adam, before I met you, I met Anis, Bushido. . We had some things going on between us. It was just playful, but he loved me as more than I wanted him to love me. He was angry, and, I hurt him because I couldn't be with him. I just wanted him to take his pain out on me," he said, searching for his lover's eyes. Adam kept still, not looking back.

"Adam? He won't come find us again, I promise." He saw a tear fall out of Adam's eye and onto the silk comforter, leaving a mark where it fell. Bill stared at the water stain, and then back at Adam, guilt enveloping him. The thought of Bill not being with him was too much for him to bear.

"Adam, i'm sorry."

"Bill, Bill, you're so stupid. I love you," he muttered, "You could have called me, anything, I wouldn't have let him lay a finger on you."

"But there was no time. I had to."

"I could have lost you. I can't lose you, I'll die."

"Don't say that. You've been living without me for your whole life." Adam looked at the younger man.

"It's true, Bill. I can't. I'm too in love with you now. I can't bear us being apart, and I want you to trust me on that. Just, promise me, you won't do anything like this ever again."

"I won't Adam, I promise." They lay there for a while, until the tension in the room became too much. Bill leaned forward as far as he could without hurting and pressed his lips to Adam's, holding until he was sure Adam kissed him back. He drew back to look at his blue eyes again, they weren't angry. He knew that look, the look that assured him that Adam still cared about him.

Adam's mouth curved ever so slightly into a smile.

"I met Tom down the hall, he told me you wouldn't eat." Bill swore. With Adam here, he would have no choice. He didn't want to eat the room service food the doctor made them send up. They were crap, healthy crap. Only stuff that rabbits ate.

"I don't eat oatmeal."

"Bill..." Adam pleaded, lifting the bowl up with one hand and picking the spoon up with the other, "look, they have strawberries, you like strawberries." He scooped up a strawberry and held it to Bill's mouth. Bill relented, rolling his eyes. He took the first bite and spat it out onto the carpet. It tasted like carpet itself. Not that he had tasted carpet before but if he ever did he knew what it would taste like now.

"Urgh, healthy food."


End file.
